I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
