You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
