I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
