you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize