I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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