Duck Duck Cougar?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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