The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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