someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
