We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
