tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
