As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
