Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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