Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
