btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
