she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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