I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
