bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
