dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
