Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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