I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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