My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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