I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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