I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
