I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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