This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
