dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
