420 ftw
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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