I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize