Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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