i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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