maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
