Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
