Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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