Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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