ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
