:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
