but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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