is your mom at the bar?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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