Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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