Kiss
Puke
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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