so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
