Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What drink are we having for lunch?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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