R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
