drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
