I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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