I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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