So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
