overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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