It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
