just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
