How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize