I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
