you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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