Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
