I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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