is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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