he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
