people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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