what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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