You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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