My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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