I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
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