While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize