OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
